Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.

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(908)): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing. http://tfl.nu/g33r

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(212): View more from New York

I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.

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(212): I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home. http://tfl.nu/lyh0

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(860): View more from Connecticut

As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

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(860): As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists. http://tfl.nu/lted

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(408): View more from California

I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.

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(408): I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class. http://tfl.nu/di0h

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(952): View more from Minnesota

Why are you covered in frosting?

(262): View more from Wisconsin

Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.

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(952): Why are you covered in frosting? (262): Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy. http://tfl.nu/9hct

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(207): View more from Maine

Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy

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(207): Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy http://tfl.nu/f2lx

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.

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(832): He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point. http://tfl.nu/zypj

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(817): View more from Texas

Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3

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(817): Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3 http://tfl.nu/4ua9

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(847): View more from Illinois

she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.

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(847): she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay. http://tfl.nu/cwvk

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(937): View more from Ohio

A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.

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(937): A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining. http://tfl.nu/4mc3

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(847): View more from Illinois

Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.

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(847): Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light. http://tfl.nu/vezf

Replies (5) Good night (2567) Bad night (557)
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(917): View more from New York City

when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.

(917): View more from New York City

Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.

(347): View more from New York

he is a god among men.

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(917): when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment. (917): Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles. (347): he is a god among men. http://tfl.nu/gmep

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(330): View more from Ohio

It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?

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(330): It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period? http://tfl.nu/rj9s

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(678): View more from Georgia

Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.

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(678): Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min. http://tfl.nu/nnq2

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(224): View more from Illinois

i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.

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(224): i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing. http://tfl.nu/a3ha

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