I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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