I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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