Non-Jews are for practice
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just gift wrapped bread.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
