ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
