It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
