Im at strip club and am horny
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
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Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
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Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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