it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Randomize
