i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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