so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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