Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
