Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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