he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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