I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
