Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
