is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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