sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
