I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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