I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
