I intend to get homeless drunk
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
