i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
