I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
