he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
