He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
