I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize