He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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