he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
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He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
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carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Someone signed my nipple.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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