Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize