why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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