He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
And then my night got REAL pukey
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
