I just threw up on my dentist
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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