you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
