Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
