i don't like sucking hair
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I want her autograph on my taint
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
