that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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