I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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