Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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