btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .