Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
