Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
