I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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