He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
