what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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