You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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