i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
