I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
