It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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