made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
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He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
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That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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