Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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