o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
