Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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