It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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