Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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