I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
