Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent