Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
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i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She even gives head with a lisp.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
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You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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