There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
