don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
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