I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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