I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
