it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
