True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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