Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
