peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
