Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
