Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
